{"id":150,"date":"2007-06-24T23:10:20","date_gmt":"2007-06-24T23:10:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/atourcity.com\/bkgoswami.com\/?p=150"},"modified":"2013-10-06T23:17:43","modified_gmt":"2013-10-06T23:17:43","slug":"emotional-freedom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/atourcity.com\/bkgoswami.com\/emotional-freedom\/","title":{"rendered":"Emotional Freedom"},"content":{"rendered":"

Emotional Freedom-June 26, 2007<\/span><\/p>\n

In my travels I have noticed many devotees suffering from the effects of
\nemotional dependency or attempting to free themselves from emotional
\ndependency. I am impelled by my desire\/need to help devotees to write about
\nthis subject.<\/span><\/p>\n

Emotional dependency can affect GBCs, Presidents, Gurus, brahmacaries,
\nhouseholders, disciples, authorities, preachers, husbands, wives, gurukulis,
\nsannyasis, vanaprasthas, children, women, and just about everyone else.<\/span><\/p>\n

The symptoms of emotional dependency differ from person to person and may
\ninclude depression, anxiety, anger, backaches, headaches, heartaches,
\nregressive traits, over dependence, violence, etc.<\/span><\/p>\n

There are two basic categories of persons who are emotionally dependent in
\nour society. One is the dominant authority figure, and the other is the
\nperson who is emotionally dependent upon the authority figure. Both types of
\npersonalities suffer due to this dynamic.<\/span><\/p>\n

In addition one may be emotionally dependent upon an institution and the
\ninstitutional paradigms may foster this understanding.<\/span><\/p>\n

In a hierarchical institution there is a greater predominance of emotional
\nbondage.<\/span><\/p>\n

In a position of authority one assumes responsibility for persons under
\nhim\/her in the hierarchy. This is a paternal situation. When the subordinate
\nperson does not live up to the authorities’ expectations, the authority
\nexperiences it as his personal failing in much the same way as a parent
\nexperiences the failures of the minor child. He feels like a complete
\nfailure.<\/span><\/p>\n

Between the parent and minor child this dynamic may be useful for some time,
\nbut between two adults it leads to many mental and physical repercussions
\nfor the authority figure as well as the person who is being cared for<\/span><\/p>\n

In the beginning of the relationship the authority figure is fixed on the
\nidea that he\/she is responsible for the dependent’s emotional well being,
\nspiritual well being, or material well being. When the dependent acts or
\nthinks in a way that runs contrary to the authorities concept of “well
\nbeing,” the authority may feel guilt (he feels that it is his fault), or the
\nauthority may get angry or manifest a variety of other emotions.<\/span><\/p>\n

If the authority has dominion over multiple living entities and maintains
\nhis attitude that he is responsible in every which way (mostly for things
\ncompletely outside of his control), the authority may eventually become
\nexhausted and even sick because he is carrying the emotional burden of guilt
\nand unhealthy caring.<\/span><\/p>\n

The next stage for the authority may be what I call the rebellious stage in
\nwhich the authority is absolutely rejecting all responsibility for the
\ndependent and doesn’t even want to talk to the dependent.<\/span><\/p>\n

The dependent also may go through various stages. Many people are very
\nenthusiastic to enter into a relationship where they will be cared for in
\nways that only a child should be. It takes great strength of character to be
\nindependently thoughtful as Srila Prabhupada wanted us to be.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2026Krishna Consciousness Movement is for training men to be independently
\nthoughtful\u2026Prabhupada’s Letter to: Karandhara — Bombay 22 December, 1972<\/span><\/p>\n

Even though being cared for inappropriately may feel “warm and fuzzy” to one
\nat first, ultimately it leads to dysfunctionality as one loses his self
\nesteem and self confidence. In fact one may say that a vital part of his
\nbeing atrophies.<\/span><\/p>\n

Generally, though a dependent person is not satisfied with the care he is
\nreceiving, and may become more needy as time goes on. What may happen is
\nthat when these needs are not fulfilled the dependent person become
\ndespondent, or bitter and may reject the care of the caregiver and even
\nconsider the caregiver his enemy.<\/span><\/p>\n

This is evidenced by the presence of many persons who are negative towards
\nISKCON and its authorities. Their negativity exceeds the boundaries of
\n“normal” emotional functioning because of their extreme bitterness and
\ndisappointment with ISKCON as they were not cared for as the institution and
\nits representatives implicitly promised.<\/span><\/p>\n

Thus in the name of helping ISKCON they in fact may be venting their own
\nemotional frustrations.<\/span><\/p>\n

To deal with this challenge we need to clearly redefine the relationship
\nbetween the authority figure and the dependent. The authority figure (or
\ninstitution) should not implicitly or explicitly promise to fulfill all the
\nneeds of the person. Better to assume a position of facilitator; that is to
\nhelp one understand how to fulfill his own needs by being an autonomous
\nhuman being.<\/span><\/p>\n

This may be a hard nut to crack, as one may think that the effective and
\nefficient functioning of a religious society depends upon obedience. One may
\nfeel that if we take this stance, our society and the individuals in
\nposition may lose all their assets (people, money, etc).<\/span><\/p>\n

My experience is the opposite however. When people are encouraged to develop
\ntheir individuality and serve joyfully not because they have to, they
\nfunction at a higher level of efficiency and because of their joyfulness
\nmore and more people will be attracted by their joyfulness to render
\nvoluntary service.<\/span><\/p>\n

People will use their imagination more and come up with more and more
\ndynamic ways to share Krishna consciousness with others.<\/span><\/p>\n

There may be emotional objections too as some may be addicted to the
\nadulation of followers, and the acquiring of more and more obsequious
\nfollowers. Of course we do know that Lord Caitanya cautioned us about this
\nin His Siksastaka.<\/span><\/p>\n

A change of paradigm is required in order to achieve emotional freedom for
\nall levels of society. When we undergo this change of paradigm it will be as
\nif a great weight has been lifted from our shoulders. It will require a lot
\nof strength though for people to take responsibility for their own lives and
\nfor the authorities to not succumb to various temptations to control
\npeople’s lives.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Emotional Freedom-June 26, 2007 In my travels I have noticed many devotees suffering from the effects of emotional dependency or attempting to free themselves from emotional dependency. I am impelled by my desire\/need to help devotees to write about this subject. Emotional dependency can affect GBCs, Presidents, Gurus, brahmacaries, householders, disciples, authorities, preachers, husbands, wives, read more>><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[41,42,26,17,27,40,25],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/atourcity.com\/bkgoswami.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/150"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/atourcity.com\/bkgoswami.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/atourcity.com\/bkgoswami.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/atourcity.com\/bkgoswami.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/atourcity.com\/bkgoswami.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=150"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/atourcity.com\/bkgoswami.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/150\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":151,"href":"https:\/\/atourcity.com\/bkgoswami.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/150\/revisions\/151"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/atourcity.com\/bkgoswami.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=150"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/atourcity.com\/bkgoswami.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=150"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/atourcity.com\/bkgoswami.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=150"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}