Mayapur, February 16, 2009

I attend the meetings and function as a GBC to please Prabhupada, otherwise
I would feel no inclination to do this as the desire for controlling,
managing, etc is quickly diminishing from my heart.

My actual desires can be summed up very succinctly; to please Srila
Prabhupada, to eternally serve the divine couple at Govardhan, to bring
souls to Srila Prabhupada’s lotus feet, and to facilitate souls in attaining
the ultimate goal of loving service to Radha and Krishna.

Lord Caitanya is Krishna Himself trying to understand the love that
Radharani experiences for Him. By His mercy, one can also have some
understanding of that love. I say “some” understanding as the extent of
that love that Radha experiences for Krishna is unlimited. We can never
fully grasp it, but we can have a glimpse of it, and serve that love.

Radharani has love for all of Krishna’s parts and parcels. Love for Krishna
actually encompasses all of his parts and parcels.

When Krishna takes on Her mood, His love for His parts and parcels expands
unlimitedly. Therefore Caitanya Mahaprabhu is the most munificent
personality of Godhead.

This morning I woke up very early feeling painful separation from Govardhan.
It is difficult for me to be anywhere else.

Fortunately, I have my Govardhan Silas (Radha Giridhari) with me in my room,
and They are so kind to allow me to render personal service to Them such as
bathing Them, feeding Them, massaging Them, decorating Them, etc.

I prayed to Them this morning to engage me in the eternal service of the
Divine Couple and to allow me to understand what pure love is.

By Their mercy, I had a small realization of this while I was chanting japa
in the temple room.

The remembrance of the pastime of Radharani’s appearance manifested in my
mind and heart. When She appeared in this world, she was apparently blind.
This was due to Her desire to not see anyone but Krishna. Later on when
Krishna as a baby came to Her home and crawled up to Her, She smelled His
fragrance and immediately opened Her eyes for the first time.

This is real love for Krishna! Not wanting to see anything else but one’s
beloved, and do anything else but serve one’s beloved.

This pastime is a manifestation of Lord Caitanya’s statement in the last
verse of His Siksastaka:

aslisya va pada-ratam pinastu mam
adarsanan marma-hatam karotu va
yatha tatha va vidadhatu lampato
mat-prana-nathas tu sa eva naparah

“Let Krsna tightly embrace this maidservant who has fallen at His lotus
feet, or let Him trample Me or break My heart by never being visible to Me.
He is a debauchee, after all, and can do whatever He likes, but still He
alone, and no one else, is the worshipable Lord of My heart.” Antya 20.47

May Radha Giridhari enable me to always remember this.