How many times have I asked myself, “whose fault is it?” How many evenings and daylight hours have I sat going over my son’s whole life -from his easy birth, through his hectic childhood and now through his confused adulthood?

Having just returned from a two day trip to Gainesville, Florida to visit my son, who two months before had quietly informed me that he had made his life’s decision – to join the Hare Krishna faith. It was lucky that I had been exposed to those of the Krishna Consciousness belief previous to his pronouncement. My mind was not completely blank when he divulged this secret. I had already seen many of those young boys and girls on Fifth Avenue in New York City. Some of their so called “freakish” habitats and mannerisms have been viewed by thousands of passerbys with an air of awe, surprise, discust and possibly interest at times. Little did I realize that during the year my son, Bruce would claim to be one “of them”.

On many occasions after I had seen Bruce’s reading material at home, I had stopped these Hare Krishna devotees to purchase their”Back to Godhead” magazine. Now my son is one of those going around the streets praising Krishna, trying to sell his supply for the day. For months I was one of the few who felt sorrow and pity for the unknown parents of these boys and girls. My mind often wondered as to the kind of parents these lost children could possibly have. Well, now I know! I am one of those unknown parents. Bruce had parents who have both graduated from college. I, his mother has one masters Degree and is working on a second. Now that’s pretty good beginning for any boy.

Bruce was always a loner. His friends were his books. He enjoyed being at home and never was the cause for one moments concern in his formative years. He did rather well in school, excelling in Physics and just reading everything he could get his hands on.

Now in his twenty second year, my son Bruce, has chosen a way to find God again. this is the God he feels the world has forgotten. Why has he done this? Why do so many young people today choose this “odd” means of searching for God? I have found no answers up until now. Possibly some day soon, my question will be answered. can blame no one, truly. I must simply try to understand why this has happened. So many young men and women are joining “Back to God” movements. The young people are justified in their belief that we have become too materialistic. I am one of that materialistic generation. Life has been too good for me. I’ve worked hard to be able to afford more than the necessities of life. these boys and girls have turned their backs on any sort of physical comfort to bring them closer to God. With that closeness they believe will come mental comfort.

My mind was made up to find the truth and learn more about Krishna-consciousness. For two days it was most difficult to hide my inner most feelings while observing them chant and pray. I awakened at three thirty A.M with them, I ate fruit and vegetable meals on the floor with them and I slept with one of the unmarried girls in a cot which was provided for my comfort only.

My trip to Gainesville seemed longer than 5 hours. When the cab driver questioned me as to what type of a building I was looking for, my face drew a blank. I arrived at S.W 2nd Street just in time to go with my son and two others on their afternoon distributing trip. I was greeted by a wonderful group of happy, healthy, untence faces. there I stood right in the middle of those shaven, orange-tuniced young men acting as if I were just arriving at a fraternity house for a social afternoon. It took all the courage I could muster to keep my tears from flowing. I was going through with this if it killed me. I hopped into the small bus for our trip to the local shopping center for two hours of distributing “Back to Godhead”. The boys were shocked that I was willing to go along with them in this wagon that was clearly marked Hare Krishna. I had decided previous to this that I would be willing to experience anything to understand Bruce’s decision.

The boys left the bus with their arms filled with magazines and began their work for the afternoon. I was greatly disturbed to find so many people ignoring these youngsters. Their dress and haircuts must have had a lot to do with this. My heart went out to them. I wanted to say to each person they stopped “Please, just listen to what they are saying. Give them a chance to be heard.” My words went unheded. At the end of three hours, only twelve magazines had been distributed at the cost of $25 each. How are they able to pay their $ 250 a month rent, feed at least 10 people three meals a day, pay for the telephone, gas and electric on only twelve magazines?? I kept silent. -If this was the degrading way they wanted to be treated- it was their choice. I could not say anything. I did ask my son later on regarding the public’s acceptance. His answer was that he feels sorry for those who did not listen. They can not find peace because they do not know God.

At 5:30 we returned to the temple which was located in a poor section of town. we removed our shoes and a delicious dinner was awaiting our arrival. This dinner consisted of many slices of fresh peaches, a piece of a banana, three hot wheat “pancakes” and a plate of vegetable soup. Everything was taken from a paper plate that was waiting for each individual on the wood floor. this wonderful meal was taken quietly. I gazed around these happy, young men and women who had chosen to desert society to live like monks. My eyes and ears searched all of them for any clue as to why they were here. I could find none.

Here ends the diary of Gurudeva’s mother. Nowadays she is very favorable to the movement and has grown to respect the devotees very much(of course the movement has also changed greatly from those days…). As a little side note…the bed that she slept on at the temple was a bed where Srila Prabhupada had slept just a couple days before!