Empathy Realizations – Camp Ostro, Croatia – July 19, 2008

The blogs have not been coming so regularly for the last week or so because of my absorption in the Empathic Communication workshop here. What is Empathic communication?

Throughout the years (since 1971) I have spent in Iskcon I have noticed that the devotees are facing many interpersonal and intrapersonal challenges. These challenges are often the result of external and/or internal conflicts. Conflicts of course are a natural part of life and can not and should not be avoided. The real point is how we resolve these conflicts.

There are many standard methods for helping us to resolve conflicts, but the problem is that most of these methods only deal with the specific conflict at hand rather than transforming relationships, and indeed cultures.

My interest is in transforming relationships in order that the devotees in the Krishna conscious society live lives that are functional materially as well as spiritually.

In addition I wish to present to the world at large a Krishna conscious society that is functional in the above ways. This is to fulfill the desire of His Divine Grace Srila Prabhupada that the whole world be enveloped in Krishna consciousness.

In my search for some understanding in this regard, I came across the teachings of “Non-Violent Communication,” which dealt with the underlying basic needs of individuals and facilitating practical working strategies for fulfilling those needs in a win-win (all needs fulfilled between individuals and all of our own internal needs fulfilled) fashion. I studied as well as attended workshops in NVC.

Srila Bhaktivinode Thakura mentions that we have material as well as spiritual needs, and in order to progress smoothly on the spiritual path, both types of needs have to be addressed.

In order to help devotees I adapted the principles of need facilitation (that are taught in Non-Violent Communication) to Krishna consciousness, and developed workshops and seminars which have been well-received.

First in our workshops we present an introduction into the basic principles of Empathic Communication, and then there is some practice in those principles. Depending on the length and depth of the workshop there are a number of other areas we may work on such as: mediation, social change, expressing and receiving gratitude, saying no, justice, motivation, emotional challenges, restorative justice, deepening close relationships, anger, emotional freedom, etc.

The majority of the time in the workshops is dedicated to group exercises and personal exercises.

The longer or more intensive workshops are set up so that the participants can choose which areas they want to delve into. The workshops are conducted utilizing a modified form of “Open Space” in which the participants as well as the facilitator(s) sit facing each other in a circle rather than in a standard classroom format.

The basic principles are quite simple. Positive and negative feelings come from needs that are either met or unmet. One takes responsibility for his own feelings and need fulfillment strategy. The point is to recognize the needs in ourselves and others which are common to all of us. If we are able to do this all conflicts can be resolved quickly and easily and the channels of communication become opened.

For the purposes of this workshop, empathy is defined as listening and connecting with others and ourselves with great compassion without judgment.

In the present camp in Croatia my original intention was to present a training session for those who had already taken my first course. The purpose of this training session was to train others to become leaders or teachers in the consciousness of Krishna conscious empathy.

However upon presenting a one day introduction to Empathic Communication seminar at the beginning of the summer camp, I was astounded by the number of people who were hankering to deepen their Krishna conscious empathy. Instead of having 15 students who were wanting to become teachers I had almost 70 people of varying experience in EC who signed up.

Krishna revealed that in order to help others it was required to divide our group in three parts. One part would be introduced to the basic principles of EC. The second group would be practicing Ec and the third group would be deepening their experiences in order to communicate with others.

Fortunately Krishna sent two very very experienced devotees to work with me in this; Vaman from Poland and Gaura Nandini from Germany.

All three groups had transforming experiences.

In future blogs I will write about the transforming experiences of the group that I was facilitating (the third group-those who were getting ready to teach others). I was also fortunate to have in my group Sacinananda Maharaja, who by his probing questions helped us all to deepen our understanding of empathy and the connection of empathy to pure devotional service. I am very thankful for his association.

The other members of the group (including Mother Urmila) also provided us with wonderful questions and shared themselves freely.

The members of our group had many realizations both in the seminar and outside that I would like to share.

The structure of our day was as follows: We started at 10:30 AM, did some warm up or ice breaker, then read from Srila Prabhupada’s Vani concerning compassion. We then went around the group to share what was alive in us (feelings and needs). Then we dealt with the subject matter at hand (either group members taking turns teaching the principles, or exercises), and we finished up with a celebration/mourning session for needs met or unmet.