June 5, 2007

It’s been a few days since I wrote my blog, and I have really been missing
the writing. For the last few days I have been at the GBC meeting in New
Vrindavan so time has been short. But I have learnt a lot about myself
during these meetings.

Some people picture the meetings as a time that the GBC gets together and
decides gleefully how to control the movement and the people in the
movement. Actually management in this day and age is a real sacrifice and in
and of itself is not an extremely joyful experience. In fact several GBC
members were not able to attend the meeting due to their experience of the
meetings as being stressful and therefore being concerned about their
health.

As you can probably tell there are a lot of things I would rather do than
attend meetings. Things like counting the pebbles on a beach or eating
borsht (which my mother used to force me to eat).

So, in other words other than the experience of associating with so many
nice Vaisnavas who were sacrificing their lives for Srila Prabhupada, the
meetings were not something that I really looked forward to.

My nature also is to be engaged in helping others, chanting, hearing
Krishna’s pastimes, etc. I don’t have much tendency for management.

So, I began to develop the consciousness of “why do I *have* to attend these
meetings.” I was developing a negative attitude towards the meetings, and
would experience them as very unpleasant.

Then I remembered I had choices in live. No one was forcing me to do
anything. I didn’t have to do anything.

I analyzed my real reason for attending the meeting. It was to please Srila
Prabhupada. So, then I changed my train of thought into thinking, “I am
choosing to go to the meeting as an act of devotion to Srila Prabhupada and
Radha and Krishna.” As soon as I phrased things in my mind in this way, the
meeting became part of my practice of Bhakti and I was able to relish a
devotional mellow during the meetings.

That does not mean however that I am in love with management, but rather I
am choosing to do something that for me is difficult as an act of love.

When we function out of a conscious desire and need to love, then even
something that would not ordinarily be pleasurable becomes relishable
because of the Bhakti Rasa that is there.

What to speak of when we decide to eliminate in our thought processes all
the ideas that we “have” to do something or we are “supposed” to do
something concerning the direct items of Bhakti.

Yesterday I received an email from a nice disciple. She was mentioning that
the other devotees in the temple were cautioning her to not expect
devotional service to be so ecstatic after she had been performing it for
many years. They told her that she was just experience “newbe” happiness and
after awhile that happiness and enthusiasm would quickly fade away.

I was thinking of why that was the experience of so many devotees and also
how we could continue with the enthusiasm we felt as new devotees and in
fact augment that enthusiasm. Krishna consciousness is supposed to get
better and better as time goes on. That has always been my experience.

I understood that one loses his experience of ecstasy not only due to
offenses but for most devotees due to the ritualistic mentality that
develops in many. That is we do things because we are “supposed” to do it.
We “have” to do it.

So, with this mentality everything starting with mangala aroti becomes a big
big burden. Because when you are supposed to do something, it
psychologically is posted in your mind as something you would not do unless
you were “supposed” to do it.

So, what I do to stay enthusiastic is before I do something for Krishna
(like the morning program, rounds, service, etc) I first of all think of how
fortunate I am to have the mercy of Krishna and Srila Prabhupada. How kind
they are to “let” me do those things in spite of my not deserving them. I
mentally thank Krishna and Prabhupada for allowing me to do those things.

Then I think, “Boy oh Boy, I am really going to have good time doing (Mangala
Aroti, Deity worship, etc….). I a really looking forward to it. I can hardly
wait”

So, in this way I build up the expectation of happiness and enthusiasm. It
is not artificial though because these activities are kevala ananda Kanda
(simply blissful). The reason we don’t feel blissful is that we have
mentality of being forced, not because the activities are lacking in some
way.

Then when I am performing the activities I endeavor to cultivate the mood of
joyfulness, thankfulness and full awareness of what I am doing and who I am
doing it for.

For example when I chant some prayer in Sanskrit, I mentally and sometimes
even verbally (under my breath) say the translation. If you try this during
the arotis, Tulasi worship, Guru Puja, etc, the activity takes on a new
dimension and you will always feel like jumping in ecstasy.